also, i just found some bubble-yum and i'm unsure of its condition.

consensus says... still good!

Watching HGTV on my day off has really become some sort of ritual. Speaking of rituals, cocoa(the dog next door) loves to be my alarm clock on my day off as well. But, today I think all of the miscreant children in the neighborhood decided to throw tennis balls onto our roof. So, since I wanted to play the part of old lady neighbor I banged on my window and ran those rugrats off!! Anyway, I guess as you can see this is my first entry in quite some time. A lot of things have changed in my life and I would say for the better. Suzanne requested that I update my journal more, so in homage to her here I am.

The funny thing is, most of the time I'm ok with it. It, being that pierce and I broke up friday. It was pretty shocking at first, and still is, but what is mostly shocking is his behavior. He seems like a different person now, but that does makes it easier to move on to other things. Like, for example, I am going to apply at FSU to get into their fashion merchandising program! I'm so excited to move on with my life and not feel tied down.. I'm saving money to be able to go to NYC again this summer to see miss jillian; i really hope i can go. Most of the time i feel really inspired and liberated, but there are times where you think of a certain good moment or you see a nice picture and tears creep up and force themselves out...There are those times, i hate them, but they're there. But soon that will pass and I'll be stronger from this whole situation. It's so strange to be in love and devoted to someone one day and then have to stop all at once. I guess I shouldn't think of it that way though because I still feel love for pierce but right now I'm a little too angry and confused to even care about it. It's a natural thing that happens in relationships but I just didn't think it would happen to us. But in the words of Rollo May,"The greater variety of emotions that you experience in a given time or lifetime, the more alive you are as a person."

sooo randomness keeps showing its face around me lately. things are changing so fast but so slow at the same time. new york was sooooooooooooooooo amazing, i wish i never left, being with jillian was wonderrful! also i saw an old live journal friend(completely and utterly random and awesome, it's those things in life that make you feel like you are being watched and/or moved around like a puppet). i feel like i've been traveling a lot lately, dallas...new york...dallas....chicago...new york... well i'm going to chicago in june and back to nyc in july. i'm considering going to FSU when i am done with my AA here. I want to get a degree in fashionmerchandising and get a sweet internship and get a sweet job. i mean i could work my way up to it at some place like urban, but it would be awesome to have a degree. i don't want to go to the art institute cause it's 80G's and that's ridiculous. i really believe that i am good at merchandising and i could be happy doing it for a really long time. it would also lead me into other directions with my creativity. i dunno things are looking up and i'm not depressed anymore. i'm young and i'm in control of my emotions...sometimes. life is long and i am to enjoy it. i mean come on my life is so exciting, there's nothing to lose but everything to gain...i'm ready.

also, see ya in brooklyn vericose! word!

things are looking up. i've been talking to someone from the art institute online and am thinking about getting my bachelors in fashion & retail management. I'm so excited about it! Only thing is I'd have to get a student loan but I'm willing if this degree would get me the job i want. Also I'm going to see Pierce in about two weeks and it's always so wonderful to see him and his family. All my worries fade away when I'm with him and we're in our own little world. Annnnd, i might get to go to NYC to see my wonderful wonderful friend jillian coker! february is looking good.

please can things get better! there's only one good thing in my life and he lives far away. everyone's so happy about 2006 and how great it was. 2005 great...first half 2006 great....from june til now suck city. why did i come back? i love my friends here but honestly i feel like when i'm here i'm still eighteen. i've had so many wonderful experiences here and wonderful friends but somehow everything has changed and will never be the same. whatever it's not worth it. i can't grow here. i'm backwards.

soooooooooooooo HELLO!!!! It's been like a millenium since I've posted in this silly thing. The only reason I'm doing it now is because I'm procrastinating. I have a final exam tomorrow in my hardest class and I haven't begun to study. wahhhhh. But, my boyfriend is coming in town thursday and that is keeping me going. Also, I got two root canals today and I pretty much just want to curl up in a ball and sleep for ten years especially since I'm on pain killers. BUT, everyone should come to me and suzanne's party on saturday! YES!

i am officially a homebody.

he sees through me. i am loved. i love.

we can find new ways of living and we can leave!! I'm in a strange place right now in this moment. so in touch with myself but so distant from God. i think i'm trying to fulfill my relationship with God with someone elses. not good. the desire is there but i feel confused on the attempt. life, life, life i'm just a little confused. why are we even here? doesn't it seem futile? i guess that's the negative outlook. some days i just get really negative, but most days i'm positive(those are the days i dont let myself think too much). oh well i think im going to lay still and breathe right now. love you mean it.